My beloved friends (4/13/2007)

Hi all TF’s-

(You know, Tiempo Fan) – Ventilador cronometrado, etc.



I know that with all these Holidays everything with the world conquer plan was a little bit messy. Celebrations, drunk guys, blind hamsters, running shoes impulsed by running people that was running because they told them to run, evern though they don’t like it, they run. Run like hell. Golden retriever.



The main piece of news for these 2 weeks is that Tiempo is going to be a father. Yup. He fertilized a female partner called Crapula Blaster Frigidaire SugarHoney, which is going to be also the name of all their children. That for sure is going to be a problem, not only because they will not differentiate each other when are called to go for breakfast or to kill old ladies, but because Tiempo does not know how to call every children in the world. You’ll see, Crapula is going to have the 50% of all Tiempo’s empire, but as an interchange, she’s going to give him from 17 to 58 little chronometers with their tiny numbers (they all are digitals). You’ll see, in Tiempo’s family, every watch is digital, except the Grandfather Mercury Grand Slam Brick & Mortar aka “Luchito The Intrepid Rat”, so right now there is kind of a mess as well in the new world conquering Tiempo’s family.



For us, little and unsignificant mortals, that means that Tiempo is maybe not going to be our beloved father, but maybe our lovely uncle or the guy that takes cookies and gifts in December 24th. Like a Santa Tiempo, Tiempo Noel, Claus Time, Time Rapunzel Adventure, Tiempo’s New Year’s Eve, or Tiempos Carnival Selection of Better reguetton discs. You manage. Right now, Tiempo is trying to slow down these stressful moments of his life and he went fishing to the Patagonia, where he owns 15,000 acres of forest, woods and a porn movies swedish producer company called “Let’s Take It Slow, honey, I’m freezing here”.



Also, Tiempo is trying to finish a new book called “Tiempo, just like that”, which has pages full with numbers in no order. It will be a success said his Marketing Director as he did this on purpose, to see if people is more familiar with numbers in no order.



Finally, Tiempo is very glad that these past 2 weeks nobody asked for him, so he tried to kill himself 17 times with a knife. But as he didn’t have any, he tried to do so with an Atari 2600 joystick. As this object was not sharp at all, he tried to finish his life by playing Decathlon 9 hours per day, and drinking Tequila with his own hands. Now he doesn’t feel a single thing in his hands and he smells like shit, but he’s happily alive having peyote visions of spanish conquerors.



Truly yours,



Frank Einstein

Tiempo’s Bilingual Biographer and Duck Shooting Champion of the Americas, 1980-1987, 1989