A very good piece of news of our hero:
Tiempo is very glad to be here again. STOP.
Tiempo knows that time is time, time after time (Cindy Lauper). STOP.
STOP, into the name of love – Donna Summer. Ok- Golden retriever.
Tiempo let his rice machine to do his laundry. This is cool. This is so Tiempo’s. 10-4.
Tiempo never dries his socks in his microwave, hi dries his feet. RESET.
Only time will tell who was right, Tiempo or the Greek gods, whoever they are. REBOOT.
SONG: Tiempo wants to share with you his last hymn, please imagine a solemn band formed by 45 musicians, under the rain in a beautiful park. Lyrics go like:
Neither the rain, neither the desert,
Neither the solitude, neither the pain,
No freaky mountain or giant rocket,
Will stop my piece of cake.
I know I haven’t almost worked,
While I’m reading this again,
And I know I won’t complete,
my freaking’ 80 percent.
I have in life just two big purposes
One is to eat, one is to be,
To be the best Tiempo follower,
And also burn my Christmas tree.
In the final lines of Tiempo’s
Time to time, will always tell,
That Tiempo wants to save your soul
Of the evil Crackers hell.
I say goodbye, but for a reason,
I have to go, to go for work
To work to build a world for Tiempo,
A Tiempo’s World, a Tieeeemmmpooooooooooooooooooooo’sssssss
Woooooooooooooooooooorlllllllllllllddddddddddddd (The end with a full fanfare if 4,500 kids and 350 nuns).
“
Tiempo is glad you enjoyed his hymn. He will send a demo Trip-Hop Dance Sonica Folk CD to the newly released FlanDeMilk! Studios for release his one millionth copy!
All yours,
The mighty impossible super duper ultra turbo sound surround,
TdT
Visit us at: www.songthehymn.com.tiempo
viernes, 30 de marzo de 2007
viernes, 23 de marzo de 2007
Tdt Times - Investigators needed!
Hi all TdT burned readers,
This week there are no news of Tiempo. Just like that. You manage. He’s just missing. Buaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Ok, let’s behave like grown ups.
Since past week when the strike was present he was last seen in an island nearby Italy. He was very depressed dressing a yellow Hawaiian shirt and trooper boots with metal knifes to hunt sharks, sport that he was used to practice when he was a child. His world conquering team didn’t make anything either because basically they don’t know what to do if he’s not nearby. So the only thing that happened this week is the appearance of a letter:
“Dear amigo Tolta,
I’m from a very far away country and I want to be conquered by you. I have 17 children and I already changed their name to Torta and pastry relatives so you get to love him. My dog is known as Sandwich-drop-dead-you-damn-idiot and he can walk in ropes at 3,000 feet high. My grandmother is dead, so well, she’s not going to do anything, but if she were alive, she would love to be part of your perturbed team.
All yours,
Barry-lito”
Everybody in the press release team of Torta is trying to solve this mistery which is a not welcome coincidence. We think that it might be a blackmailing letter in code, and that Torta could be tortured now by Salad Crackers his multisupertruboultraarchienemy. If you know something about him please let us know, he looks like a Salad Cracker and tastes like it, but only if you lick it. There is a reward (not an award, you greedy), of $10,000 kukkis, which is about US$2,5, or seven pesos. This is way the bigges reward that Torta is going to pay you EVER.
Also, we involved some of the biggest private investigators to chase the mother fathers that are trying to kill him. In other, more interesting news, Golden Retriever has been seen walking in the Jamaican moon. Ride costs $20 per 2 hours. Bananas are recommended for returning ok and safe landing.
All yours,
The Disappeared Printer of 20th floor
This week there are no news of Tiempo. Just like that. You manage. He’s just missing. Buaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Ok, let’s behave like grown ups.
Since past week when the strike was present he was last seen in an island nearby Italy. He was very depressed dressing a yellow Hawaiian shirt and trooper boots with metal knifes to hunt sharks, sport that he was used to practice when he was a child. His world conquering team didn’t make anything either because basically they don’t know what to do if he’s not nearby. So the only thing that happened this week is the appearance of a letter:
“Dear amigo Tolta,
I’m from a very far away country and I want to be conquered by you. I have 17 children and I already changed their name to Torta and pastry relatives so you get to love him. My dog is known as Sandwich-drop-dead-you-damn-idiot and he can walk in ropes at 3,000 feet high. My grandmother is dead, so well, she’s not going to do anything, but if she were alive, she would love to be part of your perturbed team.
All yours,
Barry-lito”
Everybody in the press release team of Torta is trying to solve this mistery which is a not welcome coincidence. We think that it might be a blackmailing letter in code, and that Torta could be tortured now by Salad Crackers his multisupertruboultraarchienemy. If you know something about him please let us know, he looks like a Salad Cracker and tastes like it, but only if you lick it. There is a reward (not an award, you greedy), of $10,000 kukkis, which is about US$2,5, or seven pesos. This is way the bigges reward that Torta is going to pay you EVER.
Also, we involved some of the biggest private investigators to chase the mother fathers that are trying to kill him. In other, more interesting news, Golden Retriever has been seen walking in the Jamaican moon. Ride costs $20 per 2 hours. Bananas are recommended for returning ok and safe landing.
All yours,
The Disappeared Printer of 20th floor
viernes, 16 de marzo de 2007
Sandwich time boicott
Hi Tiempo Fans,
Ok, you are now wondering, what in God’s name is Sandwich time? I have no clue, as you guys. This is for sure an impostor, or a new pathetic evil person try to buy your weaken souls by giving you more nutritive food. Noooooooooooooooo (Please imagine myself shouting at you from the top of an abyss with echo and reaching the sky with my hands while a pigeon flies over the prairie)…
This is a dirty trick from obscure forces that are trying to unauthorized me! I ask you to join forces and do a Sanwich time strike, I’m serious, a strike!
I know that you’re hungry and you’re dying for a super sandwich, but this can’t be happening. I mean, I am your god, I am your savior, your everything, I’ll be there for you (like Bon Jovi) and I need you to get together, grab a stick and burn the office. (I forgot, get some matches and gas too).
At the same time, I was going to use the weekly Tiemposletter to inform you of some advances in the world conquering project and congratulate many of you with the Civilization Lost Award, the Giant Unnutritive Rogel Award and the National Geographic Weird Photograph Award. I know that this is very strange for you (I mean to be conquered by a piece of cake), but I’M NOT A PIECE OF CAKE! I AM YOUR LORD and BIG MAJESTY. Please?? Please? Por favor, tell me la verdad!
Golden retriever,
Torta
(Very angry)
\_|
/ |
…. Extra! Extra! I just received a cable communication stating that my cousin Erotic Bondiola has sent a menace letter with all this Sandwich Time stuff. Do not fall in this trap, it’s a trick to obtain your faith and time and money and your mother in law. [Erotic] You’re going to pay for this Bondi
PS: This is not going to stay like this
PS2: This is very difficult to write as I’m very hungry
PS3: Join me in Torta Olympics, our new video game! Selling for $14,99 – get your friend to be the Torta you like to be!
Ok, you are now wondering, what in God’s name is Sandwich time? I have no clue, as you guys. This is for sure an impostor, or a new pathetic evil person try to buy your weaken souls by giving you more nutritive food. Noooooooooooooooo (Please imagine myself shouting at you from the top of an abyss with echo and reaching the sky with my hands while a pigeon flies over the prairie)…
This is a dirty trick from obscure forces that are trying to unauthorized me! I ask you to join forces and do a Sanwich time strike, I’m serious, a strike!
I know that you’re hungry and you’re dying for a super sandwich, but this can’t be happening. I mean, I am your god, I am your savior, your everything, I’ll be there for you (like Bon Jovi) and I need you to get together, grab a stick and burn the office. (I forgot, get some matches and gas too).
At the same time, I was going to use the weekly Tiemposletter to inform you of some advances in the world conquering project and congratulate many of you with the Civilization Lost Award, the Giant Unnutritive Rogel Award and the National Geographic Weird Photograph Award. I know that this is very strange for you (I mean to be conquered by a piece of cake), but I’M NOT A PIECE OF CAKE! I AM YOUR LORD and BIG MAJESTY. Please?? Please? Por favor, tell me la verdad!
Golden retriever,
Torta
(Very angry)
\_|
/ |
…. Extra! Extra! I just received a cable communication stating that my cousin Erotic Bondiola has sent a menace letter with all this Sandwich Time stuff. Do not fall in this trap, it’s a trick to obtain your faith and time and money and your mother in law. [Erotic] You’re going to pay for this Bondi
PS: This is not going to stay like this
PS2: This is very difficult to write as I’m very hungry
PS3: Join me in Torta Olympics, our new video game! Selling for $14,99 – get your friend to be the Torta you like to be!
viernes, 9 de marzo de 2007
Flash news - 40% - 40%
(Think in the news show music like ta tata tataaaaaaaaaaaan, and the morse code indicating that a very important piece of news had arrived)
Hi all Tiempo fans!! (which means ventiladores de minutos in case you don’t know)
I’ve read yesterday a graffiti that said “Alcohol is not the response for all your problems, but neither is milk”. Let’s analyze this in a detailed manner. Not today. Today Tiempo is going to announce that he bought 43,5% of the world. Yes, your leg, your brother’s house, your cousin’s dog and your mother in-law fridge is now Tiempo’s. He and God signed a contract in Isla de Pascua, leveraging that both were on vacations. From time to time Tiempo does this kind of things, like buying half a civilization. Two years ago he bought some other guys in Mars. But then he sold them because they were not as good cooks as he thought. Lucky us.
Tiempo’s tour around the world has taken him to Japan. Now he’s learning martial arts and kidnapped 53 geishas for cooking. Not that cooking, dirty mind. He’s going to start his own asado franchise called “Lo de Tiempo” which is going to sell the best choripanes in Earth. He’s still thinking about the franchise name, but some candidate names are “Tiempo El Poderoso Asador”, “Tiempo El Poderoso Choripan”, “El Poderoso Tiempo de Choripan”, “Choripan El Poderoso Tiempo”, “Tu Choripan a Tiempo con Tiempo en el Poderoso Asador” and the best candidate “Poderoso Choripan busca a Tiempo su Tiempo para Tiempo”, which in japanese is translated as “Ki”, which is going to save a lot of Money in banners. His marketing agency was given clear instructions about how powerful the name must sound. I think they took it too literal. I don’t care, I just write.
Last piece of news is that Tiempo adopted finally Fidel, his salchicha Cuban dog, and he’s baptizing him as Puro, the all mighty dog from all mighty Tiempo, which is, just as a comparison, like having a power adapter for Darth Vader’s laser sable. Obi Wan is cool, I know it too baby.
For concluding this flash report, Tiempo wants you all to continue changing the name of the streets as Tiempo’s relatives and friends. It’s ok if your city has 36700 streets and you have 18 names. You manage. If Tiempo goes there to a street that he doesn’t know, I know you’d wish never to be live again and resist Tiempo’s bad breath, or his sister “Quarter of Pound” which is a pain in the ass. He likes to feel home wherever he goes, if he doesn’t you’re dead. You manage it. Golden retriever.
Ok, that’s it for now. Let’s see how this week Tiempo’s plan to conquer the world is going. Weekly meetings are Thursdays at 16h30 PST, web ex 1-800-TIEMPO-IS-MY-LORD – www.tiempoownsme.com
The Tiempo News Team
El Nuevo Equipo Puntual
PS: I’m sorry this TdT report is so serious, but from time to time it’s ok to be so. I don’t care. I was obligated to put this with a 44 in my forehead and 43 sumo wrestlers called Nakito in front me with the rare tongue.
PS2: Nice and cheap. www.sony.com US$299
Hi all Tiempo fans!! (which means ventiladores de minutos in case you don’t know)
I’ve read yesterday a graffiti that said “Alcohol is not the response for all your problems, but neither is milk”. Let’s analyze this in a detailed manner. Not today. Today Tiempo is going to announce that he bought 43,5% of the world. Yes, your leg, your brother’s house, your cousin’s dog and your mother in-law fridge is now Tiempo’s. He and God signed a contract in Isla de Pascua, leveraging that both were on vacations. From time to time Tiempo does this kind of things, like buying half a civilization. Two years ago he bought some other guys in Mars. But then he sold them because they were not as good cooks as he thought. Lucky us.
Tiempo’s tour around the world has taken him to Japan. Now he’s learning martial arts and kidnapped 53 geishas for cooking. Not that cooking, dirty mind. He’s going to start his own asado franchise called “Lo de Tiempo” which is going to sell the best choripanes in Earth. He’s still thinking about the franchise name, but some candidate names are “Tiempo El Poderoso Asador”, “Tiempo El Poderoso Choripan”, “El Poderoso Tiempo de Choripan”, “Choripan El Poderoso Tiempo”, “Tu Choripan a Tiempo con Tiempo en el Poderoso Asador” and the best candidate “Poderoso Choripan busca a Tiempo su Tiempo para Tiempo”, which in japanese is translated as “Ki”, which is going to save a lot of Money in banners. His marketing agency was given clear instructions about how powerful the name must sound. I think they took it too literal. I don’t care, I just write.
Last piece of news is that Tiempo adopted finally Fidel, his salchicha Cuban dog, and he’s baptizing him as Puro, the all mighty dog from all mighty Tiempo, which is, just as a comparison, like having a power adapter for Darth Vader’s laser sable. Obi Wan is cool, I know it too baby.
For concluding this flash report, Tiempo wants you all to continue changing the name of the streets as Tiempo’s relatives and friends. It’s ok if your city has 36700 streets and you have 18 names. You manage. If Tiempo goes there to a street that he doesn’t know, I know you’d wish never to be live again and resist Tiempo’s bad breath, or his sister “Quarter of Pound” which is a pain in the ass. He likes to feel home wherever he goes, if he doesn’t you’re dead. You manage it. Golden retriever.
Ok, that’s it for now. Let’s see how this week Tiempo’s plan to conquer the world is going. Weekly meetings are Thursdays at 16h30 PST, web ex 1-800-TIEMPO-IS-MY-LORD – www.tiempoownsme.com
The Tiempo News Team
El Nuevo Equipo Puntual
PS: I’m sorry this TdT report is so serious, but from time to time it’s ok to be so. I don’t care. I was obligated to put this with a 44 in my forehead and 43 sumo wrestlers called Nakito in front me with the rare tongue.
PS2: Nice and cheap. www.sony.com US$299
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